You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
