tell your sister to shave her snatch
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
