My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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