New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
