Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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