i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I will pee on everything he values.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
