yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
