there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
