She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
