I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
