I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
