your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
