Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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