i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got inside last night via doggy door
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
