I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
