Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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