your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
