its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
