weddingsv make me drug and hornr
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
