new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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