Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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