i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
