I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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