im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need help removing her.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
