i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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