I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
