I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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