I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
