Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
