I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
