Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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