the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
