Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
