did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
