She's JV to your varsity
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
