The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
