Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
