Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
