omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
