I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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