Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
