I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
