I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
