just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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