I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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