I met the friendliest cop last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
