Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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