I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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