Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
