So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
