i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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