I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
a search helicopter?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
