The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
