hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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