i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
