He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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