It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
