Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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