Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
youre lurking in front of me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
