Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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