So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
