I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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