I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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