As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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