somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
