I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
