last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
