I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
