apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come share oat with me in your robe
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
