Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
