My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
