Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
