The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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