are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
