i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize