dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
