why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
