You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize