Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The air was thick with penises
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
