i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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