i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
