What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
