you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
