The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
