I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
