i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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